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Citation Station: The funniest joke you've heard

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    What is the best joke you have heard that has made you laugh out loud?:bigsmile:

    • CommentAuthorUser
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2008
     

    This thread being completely empty is pretty funny.

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      CommentAuthorkeir
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2008
     

    well nobody wants to post a joke for fear if it being lame

  4.  

    OMG! I heard the funniest joke 2day! It made me LOL! OMG!

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      CommentAuthorTrance
    • CommentTimeJul 6th 2008
     

    Care to share?

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      CommentAuthorUdoboy
    • CommentTimeJul 7th 2008
     

    "My dog has no nose."

    "How does it smell?"

    "Awful!"

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      CommentAuthorTaed
    • CommentTimeJul 7th 2008
     

    Didn't Hitler invent that joke? I'm pretty sure I heard him tell it in an old news reel.

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      CommentAuthorFact totum
    • CommentTimeJul 7th 2008 edited
     

    Yes -- Milton Berle admitted on his death bed he stole it from 'Dolph.

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      CommentAuthorUdoboy
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2008
     

    Actually, I thought it was the Brits' "secret weapon" that won the war.

    DON'T MENTION THE WAR

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      CommentAuthorTaed
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2008
     

    The first rule of War Club is you don't talk about War Club...

  11.  

    Soap.

    • CommentAuthorRenoka7603
    • CommentTimeJul 13th 2008
     

    Does this mean that no one will post a fuuny joke?:cry:

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      CommentAuthorkeir
    • CommentTimeJul 14th 2008
     

    i took a personality test today it came back negative

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      CommentAuthorTaed
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2008
     

    My X-rays always turn out negative.

    • CommentAuthorBeanz
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     

    A man walks into a bar...

    OUCH! :rolling: I know, it may sound lame to you, but it's one of my favorites!

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      CommentAuthorHaoest
    • CommentTimeJul 29th 2008
     

    "You laugh, you lose" I found this 4chan material pretty funny:

    http://i37.tinypic.com/2e3v484.jpg

    "Yo Dawg I herd you like cars so we put a car in yo car so you can drive while u drive"

    • CommentAuthorISGenius
    • CommentTimeNov 11th 2008
     

    I've got two:

    Why was six afraid of seven?
    'Cause seven eight nine.

    What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
    Nacho Cheese.

    I've also got a 5-yr old.

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      CommentAuthorTaed
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2008
     

    This was on the front page in February 2007:
    • The winning joke of the 2006 annual New York City All-Kindergarten Joke Contest was "How does a baby duck get out of its shell? It quacks it!", told by Michael Espinosa of P.S. 138.

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      CommentAuthorcmseagle
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2008
     

    What's worse than a worm in your apple?

    the holocaust.

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      CommentAuthorWinkyn
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2008
     

    0_0 The holocaust IS pretty awful, then again, worms... ^-^ Yecch!

    I was invited to the Odd Ball, but I didn't have a thing to wear.

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      CommentAuthorNI17EG
    • CommentTimeMar 24th 2009
     

    Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock.

    The clock struck one...they called nine-one-one...

    And the other two escaped with minor injuries.

    =D

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      CommentAuthorCody56
    • CommentTimeMar 24th 2009
     
  23.  

    Did you hear about the two antennas that got married...

    The wedding was terrible. But the reception was great!

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      CommentAuthorcmseagle
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.

  25.  

    Why did the baby cross the road?

    Becauase it was stapled to the chicken.

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      CommentAuthorFact totum
    • CommentTimeJul 7th 2009
     

    That should be 'dead baby'.

  27.  

    You say tomato, I...... also say tomato. Thats not the point. This is how I heard it.

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      CommentAuthorFact totum
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2009
     

    That doesn't make it right.

    It should be 'dead baby'. It's from the core set of dead baby references. It should not be adulterated or modified in any way.

  29.  

    I did not personally modify the joke. I just told it the way it was told to me. Either way, its pretty morbid.

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      CommentAuthorFact totum
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2009
     

    Go tell the person who told it to you that he told it wrong. We need to nip this in the bud.

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    I will be sure to send him a self destructing message, only giving him 5 seconds to recognize and regret his mistake.

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      CommentAuthorlegatissimo
    • CommentTimeJul 9th 2009 edited
     

    How do you give an award to a dead hippo?

    Hipposthumously.

    edit: Okay... Maybe it's not the funniest joke, but I came up with it the other night.

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      CommentAuthorAthene
    • CommentTimeJul 10th 2009
     

    That was BAD, legat (and I don't mean in the Michael Jackson sense of the word...)

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      CommentAuthorCody56
    • CommentTimeJul 11th 2009
     

    Who do hippos see when they are sick?

    Hippocrates

    Where do you go to see a hippo race?

    Hippodrome

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      CommentAuthorUdoboy
    • CommentTimeJul 21st 2009
     

    I think "hippoposthumously" would work better, Legat.

    • CommentAuthorrfkrocktk
    • CommentTimeJul 23rd 2009
     

    Customer support.

    • CommentAuthorazrdraco
    • CommentTimeOct 26th 2009
     

    Funniest joke ever about goldfish

    Two goldfish are sitting in their tank.
    One turns to the other and says:
    "You man the guns, I'll drive"

    Makes me giggle like a little girl every time. :bigsmile:

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      CommentAuthorHaoest
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    Liar. There is no girls on the Internet.

    • CommentAuthorMoody
    • CommentTimeNov 30th 2009 edited
     

    A baby seal walks into a club...

  40.  

    Two old guys sat at the dinner table. The ladies were in the kitchen.

    "So, you had a good meal last night, which restaurant?"
    "What's the name of that flower, the tall white one that you have at funerals?"
    "You mean a lily?"
    "Yeah, that's the one ...
    LILY, what was the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

    • CommentAuthorsolio
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2010
     

    Two peanuts were walking through a bad neighborhood and one of them was assaulted.

  42.  

    Mister bean's jokes. LOL:rolling:

    • CommentAuthorangryfoot
    • CommentTimeFeb 22nd 2011
     

    Three guys were walking down the sidewalk. Two walked into a bar. The third one took a duck.
    -----------------------------
    A horse goes into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"

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