I recently read this news article: Upstairs. It's a Playboy house girl's description of what goes on at the mansion.

I think it's time for me to step forward and relate my days in Jollywood, America's porn filming capital.

As some of you may already know, but probably don't, I was once a semi-famous star in adult films, under the name Dixon Toofar. I played the naughty travel agent in Trips to Paradise, which won me my first Jolly for best performance by a male actor.

Anyway, while I cannot actually reveal the location of Jollywood, naturally, I can say that it's between Omaha & Honolulu, Seattle and Los Angeles. Jollywood has actually moved twice in its lifetime, due to fears that the feds might be onto us. The word now is that it's easier to find Norad than to find Jollywood.

Jollywood has the world's largest hot tub, which can hold over 1000 people. It also has the largest Roman Bath.

It was a rough life. In addition to memorizing one's lines, one may be shooting several films in one day. That's stressful on any actor, but especially on an actor that has is deeply involved in ... shall we say "performance art" ? One day I was an extra in six films and had two lead role scenes to film. Drug abuse is rampant, as is alcoholism and major psychological issues. It's not too uncommon for a woman to take up the knife and ... shall we say... shorten a male actor's career?

Jealousy and envy are mainstays at Jollywood as well, especially for those struggling to get parts. I look back at all that and see what a horrible place it was to live and work in. I do my best to keep positive, and never speak ill of my costars and crew, but many in the industry are petty backstabbers. But I will say this: plastic surgery is grandly overrated, and there are many, many stars whom America idolizes, who have a past they'd like to never see the light of day.

That's all for now.

For plot and character development, you twit !

Okay, I'm kidding. I can look back on those days and laugh now. Back then I woulda' been really mad about such a remark... but that's the steroids talking.

Hey - knowing when you're supposed to say "mmm", "oh, yes", and "yeah, baby" can get confusing if you don't take memorizing your lines seriously!

Posted By: Trance

What, are you a body builder now or soemthing?" start="fileopen" height="15" alt="" isMap="false" hspace="0" loop="1" src="http://factcheck.gullible.info/extensions/Vanillacons/smilies/standard/shocked.gif" width="15" vspace="0">

No... see if you wanna... um.. never mind. Let's just say extra testosterone is good for working in the industry.

Right. I was saying...

Years ago, when I was working in Jollywood and taking myself way too seriously, and on steroids, I might have beat the living bejeezus outta you for that. Now, I can laugh with you.

steriods?? don't they shrink the size of your dick??

i always thought they did.. that's why nobody around here ever takes them

Posted By: critdragon

steriods?? don't they shrink the size of your dick??

No, see they cause increased activity and decrease the size of the testicles, not the penis. So you shoot more, but shoot blanks more.

This is the 3rd most interesting thread I've ever read!

I find the "Official Religious Thread" to be quite thought-provoking, and I liked the "What Does Gendale Look Like?" thread.

Personally, I liked the pencils thread and the Kids Call-In threads.

Back to Jollywood:

Jollywood pumps out roughly 10 films per day. Stastically speaking, one of these films will have a future TV regular or movie actor (not necessarily a star, but somebody you see in three or four features).

Boy, this thread has quickly fallen from it's noble intentions into something else. I'm going over to the official religious thread!

Udoboy's gonna come back and be very offended at that! lol

I'd heard of Jollywood, but only in the very generic sense. I never thought I'd be able to say I know one of the actors who worked in "the industry."

I've heard about it, and a couple of co-workers have been there, but I get the impression that it's kinda become the "tourist trap" of the porn industry - like the similarly-named Dollywood, or California. Not really my cup-o-tea.

Can this forum, let alone this thread, really be considered family friendly?

Posted By: D League

Can this forum, let alone this thread, really be considered family friendly?

Depends on the family.

You're really not kidding are you?

Posted By: Udoboy

Posted By: Trance

You're really not kidding are you?

Hey, we've come a long way since the bad quality 70s stuff. Look at some of the sets they have now! You can't just build that overnight.

Can't. It's unlawful.

Posted By: critdragon

wtf??

What?

Jollywood, it's a place in America that makes lots of pornographic movies, I believe.

Haha, I wonder why it's so cutthroat.. all the actors and actresses seem to be having such a great time with each other!

Yah... The dialogues are hard to get right, citdragon! Duh!

I guess it would be.

How about Nyarfdude instead of Bubbles? Can't you just picture it?!?!